Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
