ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize