fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
