I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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