its not stalking. its research.
I look better un-naked...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
