glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
