Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
