eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
