Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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