She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
