you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
