I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We just shotgunned beers for America
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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