I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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