yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
