I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
