He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
