im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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