Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
