thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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