Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
