Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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