Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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