how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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