I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
