His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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