White coat. Heels.
I'm so fucking centered right now
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
