I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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