Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
