Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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