we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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