so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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