There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
