Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Still dying that you shit outside
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
