Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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