you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
