Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
