things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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