Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
