My hand turned me down
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize