i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
