i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
