for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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