I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my phone needs a breathalizer
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
