I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
