i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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