We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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