that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
