I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
