Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have tasted many bathrooms
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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