cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
