a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
