just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
