Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
