I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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