Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize