Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
