i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We are two peas in an std pod
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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