I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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