i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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