I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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