Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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